Death By Tears
by Mylene
Summary: When Takeru dies, a new relationship between Ken and Daisuke springs up, but Hikari still harbors feelings for Daisuke...


Title: Death by tears  
Author: Subarru (AKA Mylene) Mylene_21@hotmail.com   
Date started: June 16, 2001  
Date finished: June 18, 2001  
Warnings: Yaoi, Yuri, Character Death, AU... altogether depressing.  
Pairings(& ages): Ken(17) x Daisuke(16); Daisuke(16) x Hikari(16)(sort of);  
Takeru(16) x Hikari(16)(sort of); Yamato(approx.23) x Taichi(approx.23);   
Koushiro(approx.23) x Mimi(approx.23); Sora(approx.23) x Original female   
character(21)  
  
AN: Okay, this is set when they are in high school, its like American high   
school though, they go to the one in their hometown. I'm from a tiny town   
in California and have no idea what high schools are like over there ^_^;   
Anyways, Hikari realizes she has feelings for Daisuke and catches him and   
Ken in the middle of... questionable things. I don't want to give it away,  
but all I'll say is two characters die. So if you're not in the mood for   
something depressing... well then, shoo.  
  
Oh yeah...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Hikari or Tk, (thank the gods for small favors)   
I don't own Daisuke, I own Ken *long pause* Okay, okay I don't own Ken. T_T   
Sadly they all belong to Saban and blah blah blah and all that stuff.   
Most people into this sort of fiction KNOW who it belongs to, anyway.   
So, on with the sadness!   
  
T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T  
  
DEATH BY TEARS  
  
  
What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen him cry before? No, of course you   
haven't... you were never the one to put all your cards on the table.   
Not with these kinds of emotions. You wanted to show us all that you   
could do everything the boys could. Never wanting to show weakness...   
or want to see someone on your team's weakness. When you did see their...   
our weaknesses... you looked upon us not with a critical eye, but with an  
understanding compassionate one. Loving your team of destined friends.   
I was on your team wasn't I? I was... I was on your side. No matter how   
much you hated me. He wanted me there, so I stayed. You cared for him...   
you never came out and said it until the end, but you did. And he wanted   
me... not you, like we all originally thought. You always expected him to   
be showing off for you... not me; and you always wanted to be his shoulder   
to cry on. The tears are flowing unbidden, soaking my long-sleeved shirt.   
Why should he bother to wipe them away? More will come. I stand here, dry   
eyed. Always the composed one. How appropriate that it should be a cold,   
rainy day. A cold, rainy day on the day of your funeral. Yesterday,   
you died... you died because of us... because of something we wanted...   
and acted upon. You died because we were happy. And you died because   
he wanted me. You died because it wasn't you receiving those sweet,   
sweet kisses.  
  
You died... you died.  
  
I will remember those last few days for the rest of my life. And I will   
remember the look on your face when we were... and I will always remember   
your sweet and loving nature and... and...  
  
  
(Switch to 3rd person POV, flashback)  
  
Hikari Yagami sat at her desk, annoyed with Daisuke's attempts to get her   
attention. He had made a big sign and taped it to the front doors of the   
school before school hours, so everyone coming in would see it. It said:  
  
Daisuke Motomiya + Hikari Yagami  
~~~~~~~Forever~~~~~~~  
  
She had come into school late, seeing it AFTER everyone else had.   
  
"DAISUKE!" she had screamed, ripping it up and throwing it into the trash   
can. She had stalked into the office, and gotten weird looks from all the   
teachers as they gave her a late slip. Then she stalked into class, blushing  
and given the teacher her little slip of green paper. Everyone had whispered   
about her... everyone. Then she sat down in front of a certain spiky haired  
boy and shot daggers at all her classmates. Thank god Takeru is absent   
today, she'd thought.   
  
"Did you see it?" Daisuke whispered. The teacher saw them talking, but   
allowed them the time, Hikari was obviously mad and the rest of the class   
was just reading... well, that's what she had told them to do, but they   
were all talking about Those two, Motomiya and Yagami. And why not?   
  
"Yes I saw it!" Hikari snapped. "What the hell were you thinking?!" Daisuke   
looked confused.   
  
"I wanted you to see how much I care for you." She glared at him and turned   
around.   
  
"All I'll say is thank the gods TK was absent today." She heard   
Daisuke's "Ch, I'm glad he left..." then turned around quickly.   
"What do you mean "left"?" He looked away, his expression angry and   
annoyed.   
  
"He came to school then threw up. He left right before the bell rang."   
She frowned.   
  
"Then... he saw the sign?" Daisuke nodded, a little smirk on his face.  
  
"Yeah, he saw it." She glared at him.   
  
"you can be such an ass, Daisuke." He looked at her, shocked.   
  
"What would Taichi-san think if her heard you talking like that?"   
She rolled her eyes.   
  
"I don't CARE what he would think." There was no further conversation   
between them that entire day.   
  
That hurt... Daisuke thought. But, I expected her to be mad... some part   
of me did at least. I expected her to scream and yell and tell me she   
never wants to see me again. But oh Hikari, wonderful, sweet,   
loving, caring, hurting wait, where did that come from? She IS hurting me...  
but I... I love her... don't I?  
  
After school , Hikari walked to Takeru's apartment. She knocked on the door   
and he answered, looking pale.   
  
"Hi.. Hikari-san..." (Author's note: Not hi as in "hello" hi as in   
"hee" like the start of her name.) She looked at him, finding it hard to   
smile into the dull, once sparkling eyes. "What are you doing here? I   
thought you would be with-..." He stopped short and silence reigned for   
a moment. They stood staring at each other until she finally looked down.   
"Look, Hikari-san, if you are not going to say anything, I would prefer   
going back to bed, I'm ill." She said nothing, hurt by his curt tone.   
They stood for a moment, then she threw her arms around his neck.   
  
"Takeru-chan... I... I'm so sorry." She said hugging him. He didn't   
hug her back, sensing that it wasn't the kind of hug he wanted. He wanted   
the hug that said "I love you, hold me forever" not "I'm sorry, let's   
be friends" like it was now. She pulled herself from him and looked   
into his eyes. "I have known you for a long time," she said. "And I know   
you want more to our relationship... but I don't. I just want to be your   
best, childhood friend. Not... your girlfriend." He sighed.  
  
"No, Of course you don't. You want to be with Dai. He seems to be showing   
you affection... why have you never responded to his displays of love? Why   
have you led me to believe that I may have a chance to be with you... to   
love you?" Tears welled up in her eyes and she looked down, not wanting to   
stare into those hurt orbs that she had always loved. They were like his   
brother's.   
  
"I didn't mean to..." She looked down, starting to cry.   
  
"Oh, well that makes it all better doesn't it?" His sarcasm hurt her   
more than his tone had before.  
  
"I just wasn't ready to accept my feelings for him...and I needed a safe   
house. You were my safe house... someone I could love if I decided I didn't   
love him. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He looked down,   
angry but still very hurt.   
  
"Well, now that you have acknowledged these feelings for him... act. Don't   
just sit around, waiting for him to fall in love with someone else. Now go,   
Hikari. I never wanted to be your "safe house" and I don't now. Leave." He   
slammed the door, leaving her there in the hallway of his apartment   
building, sobbing against the cool wood.  
  
  
  
Yesterday, she thought, yesterday I realized how much I love him. But I   
can't say it yet... he still thinks I'm mad at him for the sign. That   
sign... how sweet. I wish I would have saved a little bit of it.   
Yesterday... yesterday Takeru had all but said he hated me. Yesterday...   
so much had happened. Ken came in, eyeing the class critically.   
  
"Hai, Ichijouji-san?" The teacher looked at him. He glanced at Daisuke   
once before turning to the teacher then turning right back to Daisuke.   
Then back at the teacher. Beautiful, so beautiful, he is. He thought,   
handing the teacher a small piece of pink paper. "Yagami Hikari and   
Motomiya Daisuke will be leaving with Ichijouji Ken for the rest of the   
day. Important business." She read aloud. Daisuke and Hikari stood,   
collecting their things. They left, Ken walking in front of them. As they   
exited the school, Daisuke stepped before Ken, demanding to know what  
was going on and why they had to miss school.   
  
"Not that I'm not grateful... I just... want to know." He finished lamely.   
Hikari smiled at Dai before looking at Ken. She noticed he was looking at   
Daisuke too... he was looking a bit too intensely if you were to ask her.  
  
"Daisuke... Hikari... I took you out because Takeru's been in an accident   
and he asked me to bring you to him. I was surprised that he called me,   
but when I spoke to Yamato, I understood why." He eyed Hikari for a moment   
critically. She averted her own eyes.   
  
"What kind of accident?!" Daisuke was asking.  
  
"A car accident." A gasp emitted from both of them. "He had taken a   
dangerous amount of sleeping pills and muscle relaxers. He had a few drinks   
then got into his car. He was hardly buzzed from the alcohol, but it was   
the pills. He had a heart attack and smashed into the fence by Hokushu  
field." Hikari looked down, feeling guilty. Daisuke roughly rubbed his eyes.   
  
"Is... Is he okay? I mean, I know he lived.. other wise he wouldn't be   
able to call you but, will he be okay?" Ken shrugged helplessly.   
  
"I'm not sure. he's had his stomach pumped but most of it was already   
soaked into his system. Let's go now, you have your car Hikari? I know   
Dai has his SUV and I have mine but..." She shook her head.   
  
"Yeah, I drove my brother's BMW today." They got into their respective   
cars and drove to the hospital. Hikari drowned out her sobs with   
Beethoven's fifth Symphony, Daisuke with Freak On a Leash (Korn).   
Such differences were never thought of. Only thoughts of their almost   
gone friend. Ken, on the other hand, listened to no music... he only   
thought of Daisuke. Looking at him through his rearview mirror. The   
other boy was leaning on his arm which was propped up in the window sill.   
Glistening tears fell down onto his striped shirt. Ken desperately wanted   
to kiss those tears away but, the light was green and he couldn't very   
well sit and day dream about his love forever. They all reached the   
hospital at pretty much the same time. Hikari quickly put on her   
sunglasses and Daisuke rubbed his eyes, wanting the tears to stop.   
Ken walked beside Daisuke, behind Hikari. She sniffled and tried not   
to whimper too loudly as Ken and Dai approached the front desk. The   
receptionist told them that the room of Takaishi, Takeru was on the second   
floor, third from the left. Room 26. They slowly reached his door and   
found Yamato sitting outside in a hard hospital chair, his face in his hands. Taichi sat next to him, rubbing his back and whispering comforting words. He saw the three and smiled sadly.  
  
"He's awake." He whispered. Yamato didn't even look up as they entered,   
hating the uncomfortably sterile place. Takeru was staring out the window,   
looking depressed beyond expression. He suddenly looked up at them and   
tried to smile.   
  
"Hey guys." He whispered. Hikari took off her sunglasses and rubbed her   
eyes. "Um... Ken, could you take Hikari to the bathroom to wash her face   
with cold water? I want to talk to Daisuke alone for a moment." Ken nodded,   
putting his arm around Hikari and leading her out of the room. Once they   
were gone, Takeru looked at Daisuke.   
  
"Hey, man. What's up?" Dai asked. He was obviously attempting to sound   
casual.  
  
"Don't do that. Don't try to act like this isn't a big deal. The only thing   
I want you to do, is answer me." Daisuke took his friend's hand.   
  
"Anything." Takeru looked deep into his eyes.   
  
"Do you love Hikari?" His eyes said no, and that was all Takeru needed,   
but he wanted to hear it come from his actual mouth. Daisuke seemed to be   
having a mental struggle with what to say. He finally came to a decision.  
  
"I... I thought I did..." He said, slowly. TK made a sound sort of like   
an exasperated/hurt/bitter laughing sigh.   
  
"You thought you did.. and now she thinks you do too. She will tell you   
she loves you, Dai-chan." Daisuke looked upset. "And you will have to   
tell her no. Don't lead her on. Not like she led me on. Don't do it to   
her." Their hands squeezed each other's tightly. Probably tighter than   
either of them had ever held someone's hand.  
  
"Takeru, I don't know... I don't..." He struggled, but TK just smiled a   
small, sad smile.   
  
"You don't have to know what to say to me, just what to say to her.   
I love you like a brother, and I want her to be happy, but if you don't   
love her then I will honor your feelings." Dai frowned.  
  
"Stop talking like that. Stop it. You will get out of this bed in a week   
or so and be happy again." Takeru shook his head.   
  
"I love you like a brother, Dai." Daisuke smiled.   
  
"I love you too." Takeru held his hand still, as tight as ever.  
  
"Goodbye, Daisuke. Take care of yourself. And tell Hikari I love her.   
And my brother and Taichi, tell them to that they shouldn't worry, I'll   
be fine." He closed his eyes and breathed out. Then he was silent. The   
entire room was silent, except for the non wavering beep. Dai looked at   
the monitor. It was flat line.   
  
"Takeru... Takeru...!" He was starting to get hysterical. "TAKERU!"   
Yamato rushed in, hearing and seeing the monitor, then looking at Daisuke,   
crying hard. He felt for his brother's non existent pulse and sobbed, and   
sobbed. Taichi wrapped him in a hug and they both cried. At that moment,   
Hikari and Ken arrived back from the bathroom. Hikari burst into tears again,   
joining her brother and his lover in a sort of group hug. Daisuke was not   
in hysterics like they were. He was more like in an unbelieving, silent   
shock. Ken was just confused and upset, but dry-eyed. Always. Daisuke  
ran from the room. Ken immediately followed, running after him down the   
stairs. Dai reached his car and had started it before Ken could get to his,   
so he did the only thing he could think of, he jumped in the SUV's path,   
waving his arms and screaming at Dai to stop. At the very last second, the   
brakes were slammed and Ken ran to him. Ripping open the door and grabbing   
him in a hug.  
  
"Daisuke! You're okay! You're okay!" He was saying to the sobbing boy.  
  
"I caused him so much pain! So much! He said Hikari was in love with me!   
Not him!" Ken just held him, listening to his sobs and loving the smell   
of his hair. He knew that the time was not right for him to be moving in on   
the brown-haired beauty in his arms, but he couldn't help it. He kissed   
him. Daisuke kissed back. Although he was confused. After he pulled back,   
he was breathless. "What was that for?" Daisuke asked him, blushing.   
  
"I love you, Daisuke Motomiya. I love you. And I just.. It isn't your fault   
Hikari loves you. Not at all. So it wasn't your fault. His pain was brought   
on by her." Daisuke hugged his soon to be boyfriend.   
  
"Arigatou, Ken. Ai... Ai shiteru." Ken smiled despite his sadness about TK,   
and despite himself.   
  
"I love you too." He said, hugging him. "Let's get you home." He got into   
the car and they drove it back to the space it was in before. They left a   
note for the other's on the windshield:  
  
Dear Hikari, Taichi & Yamato,  
Ken is taking me home. I am very upset, and he thought it best I don't   
drive. Call me later, okay?  
  
Love,  
Daisuke  
  
  
  
  
~~Three month's later~~  
  
Hikari frowned into her reflection. She STILL hadn't told Daisuke how   
she felt. What with Takeru dying and all. She sighed sadly, thinking of   
how upset her love, Daisuke, had been. But, tonight she would. Tonight was   
the party. Mimi and Koushiro were getting married and they were all   
celebrating it. All of them. And Daisuke would be there. She could   
finally tell him. And he would finally know... finally know how she had   
longed for him so many nights. And he would be happy.  
  
  
  
Daisuke Stretched out on Ken's bed.   
  
"Do we REALLY have to go?" He asked for the twelfth time. Ken eyed him   
for a moment then lay down on the bed next to him.   
  
"Why not? What, are you afraid of me giving us away to them? Get serious,   
Dai-chan." Daisuke kissed Ken's forehead and smiled.   
  
"No, that's not what I'm afraid of. There's going to be liquor." Ken   
smiled softly. "And I'm afraid that if I drink... then I'll start like...   
You know..." He sounded nervous.   
  
"Start coming onto me like a drunken sailor who hasn't seen a woman   
(or man, in this case) in years?" Daisuke nodded, blushing. Ken kissed   
his nose and stood up. "Just don't have any." He picked up a hairbrush   
and started brushing the silky locks of indigo hair.   
  
"But everyone else will be!" He whined. Ken turned to him.   
  
"look, Dai. YOU are the one who wants to hide us from them. I'm okay with   
you drinking, but if you aren't then don't. Whatever you want." Dai looked   
down, chided.   
  
"I know. I just... I worry. About what they'll think of me... and whether t  
hey'll ever speak to me again..." Ken looked at him incredulously.   
  
"What about Taichi and Yamato?! They accepted them." Dai looked at him   
pointedly.   
  
"Yes, but Yamato wasn't once the Kaizer, was he?" Ken looked angry.   
  
"You were the first one to let that go in the beginning, but now it keeps   
us from being open about our true selves? Why are you saying these things?"   
Dai stood and put his arms around Ken.   
  
"Gomen nasai, Koibito. I just... I'm not ready to let them know yet.   
I'm sorry. I feel terrible hiding things from them, but I'm just not ready."   
He layed his head on Ken's shoulder and Ken leaned on it with the side of   
his face.   
  
"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped at you. Now let's go." He pulled him out   
the door to his green Xterra(Author's note: Trademark of Nissan, I do not   
own this, although I would love to. Then I could buy all the anime I   
wanted! MWAHAHAHAHA....oh, you can still hear me...ehehehe).   
  
  
  
They came to Mimi and Koushiro's semi-large house to find that they weren't   
exactly the first one's there. There were cars parked all along the street   
for three blocks, but Mimi had given them a garage door opener. And they   
pulled into it between Taichi's BMW (he was a doctor) and a 20001 Volts   
wagon beetle. Daisuke stared at it for a moment. Glancing at the license   
plate which read High Ho Silver! Awwwaaaayyyy! He squinted into the tinted   
windows.   
  
"It's Miyako's." He commented. Ken smiled and they walked in together.   
Mimi came to greet them.   
  
"Hello!" Mimi squealed, more happy than they had ever seen her. And that   
was pretty happy. She did that whole rich-person air kissing thing with   
each of them. When did that start anyway? "How are you guys?" Daisuke gave   
her an odd look.   
  
"Mimi, I just had lunch with you last week. And Ken came by your office   
yesterday. Don't you remember?" She giggled madly.   
  
"Oh, I'm such a scatter brain." She looked away for a moment and Dai took   
the chance to whisper "why is that new?" in Ken's ear. Ken suppressed   
laughter when Mimi turned back. "Oh, how rude of me! Come in, you must   
be cold. The weather's been dreadful!" She leaned out the door to look   
at the dark, dark gray sky. They entered and found that it wasn't one of   
Mimi's usual parties. It was more like the high-school parties that the   
popular kids at school throw. Music was blasting out of their stereo   
speakers and people (half of which neither of them knew) were dancing and   
eating and talking. Daisuke could see more people out by their pool and   
could hear even more upstairs. Mimi danced off in her little sequined pink   
tube top and red skirt. Ken glanced at him, seeing his reaction. He smiled   
at him and dragged him to the kitchen, where most of the Digidestined   
seemed to be gathered.  
  
"Daisuke! Ken! When did you two get here?" Miyako asked. She was wearing   
an orange dress that her mother probably wouldn't approve of and she   
seemed to be making eyes at some guy across the room. Daisuke was going   
to answer but decided not to when she danced off toward him. He looked   
at Sora, who was introducing her new girlfriend to Taichi.   
  
"Hey." Ken said as they walked up to the little group. Sora downed the   
last of her beer and smiled at him.   
  
"Hey guys!" She said. "This is Karen." They shook hands with her.   
  
"Oh... You two are... together right?" She said, noticing how close   
they were standing.   
  
"Of course they are." Daisuke stared at Taichi, slightly panicky. Yamato   
noticed this and smiled.  
  
"You didn't think we didn't know, did you?" they looked down. "We have for   
ages. Hikari's the only one who doesn't know." Daisuke sighed. Ken sensed   
how uncomfortable he was getting.   
  
"Um... We're gonna go dance, right Dai-chan?" They smiled at each other   
and excused themselves. Ken sat down on the first couch he saw and pulled   
Daisuke down onto his lap. "Are you okay?" Dai leaned on his shoulder.   
  
"I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting them to come right out and say it..."   
Ken smiled.   
  
"Well, we didn't really make attempts to come up with GOOD excuses to be   
alone." They laughed.   
  
"That's true." Ken kissed him and smiled.   
  
"I'm sure there's and empty room upstairs..." Dai blushed and stood.   
Ken dragged him up the stairs and into an empty room.  
  
  
  
Hikari adjusted her tight dress and smoothed her hair.   
  
"Have you seen Daisuke?" She asked Mimi. Mimi thought for a moment.   
  
"Uh...not since he got here, but you know me: always the nut." Hikari   
laughed and spotted Taichi.   
  
"Thanks anyway, Mimi. I'll ask around." Yamato and Taichi were dancing and   
she tapped his shoulder.   
  
"Don't think you're cutting in, bi- oh! Hikari! When did you get here?"   
She giggled.   
  
"Just now. Have you seen Daisuke?" Taichi looked at Yamato nervously.   
  
"Uh... no." She nodded and walked off. She came to Sora and Karen next.   
They were dancing too, a bit more animatedly than her brother   
and brother-in-law.   
  
"Sora, you seen Daisuke? Hey Karen." Sora was absorbed in the other girl's   
eyes so she just said "Upstairs I think." Hikari smiled.   
  
"Thank you!" She walked away, leaving Sora and Karen. There were people   
on the stairs, drunk men making lewd comments and women yelling at their   
boyfriends about how it was over. She walked by them all and discreetly   
peeked into the many room. Then she heard Daisuke laughed and stopped at   
Mimi and Koushirou's bedroom door. A sly smile spread across her face   
and she carefully picked her way into the secret passage. She wanted   
to sneak up on him. When she entered, there was a distinct smell in the   
room and it was dark. Sounds were coming from the bed. As her eyes adjusted   
to the light, she could see what was happening. She hit the light switch.   
"DAISUKE! KEN!" She screamed. They both struggled to get their clothes on.   
She waited for the "wait! I can explain!" to come, but it didn't they   
just put on their pants and stared at her guiltily. She threw open the   
door to be able to run when it was time. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" She   
demanded. Several people gathered around to look into the room, seeing   
them. No words came like "I had a few drinks and...!" Or "This isn't what  
it looks like! I love YOU!" She screamed incoherently and ran out,   
sobbing. There was a crowd now, staring at them as they threw their   
clothes on. Miyako saw her and ran to catch up with her.   
  
"Hikari?! What happened?!" Hikari just turned around and shoved her.   
Miyako fell backwards, a nearby guy from her school caught her. She   
smiled up at him in thanks then stared as Hikari ran out the door.   
She started her brother's BMW, that key being first on her ring.   
  
  
(Switch back to Ken's POV, end flashback)  
  
We chased after you, feeling a moral obligation. The rain was heavy and it   
was hard to see in the dark night. The streetlights on the overpass   
allowed us enough light to see Taichi's car, carrying you with it,   
careen off the side and onto the pavement below. There was a sickening   
crunch and then the car burst into flames. I hadn't even stopped yet, but   
Daisuke jumped out of the car and leaned over the bridge, fully expecting   
you to work your way out of the twisted, burning metal and walk away   
unscathed; strong as always. But you didn't come. He waited there for   
long time, expecting you to come out. To be alive. I called 911 on my cell   
phone. The paramedics and the fire department came. All the time,   
Daisuke just stared out, waiting for you. He was crying so   
hard, it was hard to tell in the rain, but he was. He was just sobbing   
and sobbing... waiting for them to announce that you were alive and put   
you on a stretcher and take you to the hospital. But it never happened.   
You died. You died and it's all my fault. You never would have known   
about us until you were ready. You never would have seen us there lest   
I hadn't suggested we go up there in the first place. It's all my fault.   
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. The others are looking at us. Maybe they are   
expecting him to place a rose on your grave and whisper that he really did   
love you, that I mean nothing to him. But it doesn't seem like that's   
gonna happen. I hug him and let his tears soak me. Goodbye forever Hikari.   
I'm so sorry it happened this way. I know you hated me, and really didn't   
like you for a while, but you died because of me, and my insides feel as   
if they are breaking apart. Please Hikari forgive my selfishness.   
Forgive me for loving this beautiful chestnut hair and the way he wrinkles   
his nose in his sleep with some unknown discomfiture. Forgive me for   
wanting him all to myself. Forgive, please.   
  
...Forgive me...   
  
END  
  
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